


if you loved me, why'd you leave me?

by hxld_txght



Category: Youtube RPF
Genre: Angst, Like really angsty, M/M, jack is sad and confused, kinda good ending, mark is not good with words
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-13
Updated: 2016-04-13
Packaged: 2018-06-02 01:13:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6544420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hxld_txght/pseuds/hxld_txght
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU. “This is exactly why we need to tell them that we’re separating.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	if you loved me, why'd you leave me?

**Author's Note:**

> hi! this is my first work here, ever. i've been a long time lurker anyway!  
> excuse my grammar or any mistakes in there because i don't usually proof read these kind of stuff, but feel free to correct me in the comments down below i guess?
> 
> so, enjoy! {title from kodaline! ヾ(＠⌒ー⌒＠)ノ }
> 
> *i'm septiplier trash. i need help.*

3 ½ years ago, Jack and Mark were sat in this very car thinking of what house to buy in LA.  
  
 A week before their 4 year anniversary, Jack and Mark sit in this very car thinking of when Jack’s moving out.  
  
Honestly, Mark doesn’t know how they both got in this situation. He doesn’t know why he’s letting this happen either.  
  
“I,” Mark starts, gripping the steering wheel tightly, “I don’t know.”  
  
Jack looks out the window and sighs. The trees are slowly turning into large blobs of green and it seems to be moving way too fast. Just like this situation. _It’s moving too fast._  
  
He wasn’t thinking straight when he blurted those 4 vile words. “Let’s break up then!” He remembers how smoothly those words come out and it sounds to Mark like he’s been wanting this for a _long_ time.  
  
“Let’s…” Jack breathes out, adjusting the way he’s seated to face the red haired man beside him. “Let’s tell them it’s mutual.” He shrugs slightly.  
  
Mark holds onto the steering even tighter. His eyes are starting to burn and clouds are starting to block his mind.  
  
They say to never make decisions when you’re sad or angry. They also said that you should never announce the first thought or decision that comes in your mind when you are faced with such situations. Mark knows all these. His mother had told him years ago to always bring these rules with him because it will help when the time comes.  
  
Mark doesn’t seem to remember it now because all he wanted to do right now was spit insults at Jack and tell him how heartless he seems. All Jack focused on lately was himself and it has been sickening.  
  
“This is a relationship,” Mark whispers. “And there are two people in it.” He slightly pushes on the accelerator so they would get home faster. If they were going to fight, it’s not going to be in an enclosed space where all they could do is scream at each other. That’s not going to help. “If we’re deciding for the benefit of the both of us,” He gestures to the both of them, “I think my decision matters as well.”  
  
“Oh, yeah?” Jack’s trying to remain calm; Mark can see it in his eyes. “What’s your decision then?”  
  
Mark swallows hard that even Jack hears it. He couldn’t care less. “We should try again.” He announces slowly. He’s threading a thin line here and knowing Jack, being the stubborn little shit he is, Mark should choose his words very carefully.  
  
Jack glances at the man beside him, mouth slightly agape. “Are you serious?” He scoffs, running a hand through his hair. “I don’t want _this_ anymore.” He slowly points at Mark and himself.  
  
Mark feels something throughout his whole body. He’s felt this before.  Back in high school while playing football with his team mates, he got tackled to the ground. Since he was holding the ball, half of the other team got on top of him and started to steal the ball away. The ordeal gave him a broken nose, a broken arm and several scratches that even until now he doesn’t know where he got them from.  
  
Another incident that involved this feeling was the time he first got dumped. Freshman Year College, he met a girl named Trisha. They didn’t really talk or anything, but once Mark got the courage to ask her out, things went really good from then on. After a few good years, Trisha called it quits.  
  
Adding all the pain Mark felt during these memorable moments, it would not even amount to the pain he feels seated next to the man he considered his soul mate. Maybe things don’t really go as planned, even if you’ve went through it a thousand times.  
  
“Didn’t you stop and think that maybe I still want this?” Mark hisses as he angrily honks at a driver. “Didn’t you put my feelings into this as well?” Mark directs his eyes to Jack who was also glaring at him.  
  
“It’s not about what you feel!” Jack cries out, putting his head into his hands. He rubs at his face frustratingly that it leaves some marks on his face.  
  
“It’s not just you that’s in this relationship.” Mark sternly tells Jack. It’s the tone that makes Jack’s bones quiver and he feels like putty under Mark’s gaze.  
  
“I’m my own person, Mark.” Jack tries to match Mark’s tone but it comes out desperate. Desperate for Mark to end this conversation and respect Jack’s decision.  
  
“Yeah, well lately, all you’ve thought about is yourself. Where am I in this?” Mark says. The pleading in his voice is evident and especially the hurt. Jack notes that when Mark’s hurt, his voice becomes hoarse. It hurts to hear and it makes his heart ache.  
  
Jack remains quiet, but he pounds the window beside him. It makes Mark look at him with concern in his eyes. It’s one of the things Jack has come to love in the almost 4 year run. He’s loved the way Mark’s eyes project what his body and his words cannot. He’s adored it before, but he doesn’t know if he’ll love looking at them after all these.  
“Stop being so stubborn, Sean.” Mark chokes the last word out. Jack doesn’t catch it at first, but it dawns on him. He makes a fist slowly.  
  
“Don’t call me that.” Jack’s eyes start to sting. He feels Mark’s eyes on him. “D-don’t.” He stutters, trying to prevent a sob that’s trying to come out.  
  
“Jack. I-I…” Mark recalls their big fight last week that automatically led them here. He knows it was wrong to call Jack an inconsiderate asshole and he definitely knows it was wrong that he let Jack win.  
  
“This is why we should just tell them we’re breaking up.” Jack blurts out and sobs in his hands. Mark pulls the car over and unbuckles his seat belt to tend to Jack.  
  
When his fingers graze Jack’s clothed shoulder, the Irish man flinches away. Mark pulls his hand away and watches Jack with wide eyes as he looks at Mark.  
  
Jack has never flinched once when Mark used to touch him. When they first met personally, Jack wasted no time running to Mark’s arms. He didn’t move away when Mark engulfed in his arms. When they shared their first kiss, Mark moved his fingertips on Jack’s skin. He didn’t flinch once. In their bed, when they first made love, he traced Jack’s chest and not once did he shy away from his touch. When this incident happened, Mark knew deep inside him that they will never be the same.  
  
“Where did I go wrong Jack?” Mark leans back on his seat and stares right outside the windshield.  
  
Jack sniffs and turns to the man he loves. “Just drive home. I-I…I’ll buy the ticket when we get back.” He breathes out.  
  
Mark starts to drive again, this time with a heavy heart.

* * *

  
  
When Jack books a flight back home to Ireland, Mark sits in the living room, contemplating. There’s no reason to stop Jack from leaving. _He’s right,_ Mark thinks, _I should just respect him._  
  
It takes every bone in Mark’s body to stop him from crying his eyes out when he sees Jack packing his bags that night.  
  
They sleep in different rooms. No words were exchanged when Jack passes by Mark’s door or when Mark bumps into Jack going to the bathroom.  
  
They both wanted all of this to end. To be in each other’s arms again. To make pancakes in the morning. To talk all of this out. They’re both tired of fighting, but neither want to apologize for the words spoken or for the selfishness because they’re stubborn people with high egos. Maybe that’s why they don’t get along anymore. Maybe.  
  
Jack wakes Mark up when he’s supposed to leave. He wanted to stay, he really did. But if Mark wanted him to leave, then he’ll go. He’ll go and never come back. Probably never appear in Mark’s videos. He doesn’t care, but right now he’s going to leave and he doesn’t know where he’ll be going after all this.  
  
“Do you have everything?” Mark mutters, leaning on the doorway of the guest room. Jack shifts his gaze to the man he adores.  
  
“If I leave anything, mail it to me.” Jack quietly tells Mark, avoiding his eyes. The eyes that will prevent him from leaving and the eyes that will always be home to him.  
  
Mark walks with Jack to the front door of their- _his_ house. He walks away to give Jack the space he desperately asked for. Jack bows his head down and grips the knob tightly.  
  
He’s stupid. He’s still waiting for Mark to say something. To stop him. To let him stay with him in LA. To plead. It never c-  
  
“Jack?” Mark whimpers out.  
  
Jack turns around quickly, catching the coffee colored eyes on him.  
  
The silence that comes after is deafening. He wants Mark to say something. He wants his lips on him. He wants his arms around him. Anything just to remove this silence. Anything to fix this thing going on. Anything to bring them back together.  
  
Nothing.  
  
He turns around again, tears threatening to spill out. No, no. Mark cannot see him like this.  
  
And then. And then-  
  
“I love you.” Mark sobs out and his arms drop onto his sides. “I’m sorry I just realized it now.” He cries out, the desperation and sadness clear in his voice.  
  
Jack turns around slowly and their eyes lock.  
  
  Blue meets brown.  
  
What a beautiful combination.  


**Author's Note:**

> i leave the ending to you, but if you want me to write a continuation to this, i'll be more than happy to write more! thanks for reading!
> 
> *Thank you for that one commenter who pointed a major mistake!*


End file.
